DMD 8-8-24

🚫 NOT AGAIN 🚫

Nihilism

Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.

Broke My Own Heart

I figured things would be different this time around since we're older, more seasoned, I figured, hey why not. That was my mistake Jessica. 

On This Day

Former president and presidential running Donald Trump was almost assassinated in Butler, Pennsylvania. Where was I? Laying in my bed watching Ugly Americans and getting my penis stroked. HAHA

Laziness vs. Depression

Laziness, lack of motivation, and depression are all completely different from one another, but often look quite the same.

1. LAZINESS:

Being lazy has an intention. It’s a preference. You want and enjoy doing absolutely nothing. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes you just need a lazy day in order to relax. However, when it comes to daily tasks, laziness begins to have a different impact. You have desire, but aren’t willing to put the effort in. 

If you’re unable to do nothing, you often find the quickest way to do things. 

• You don’t mind poorly executed work as long as it’s finished. 

• You would rather have someone else do the work.

• You enjoy and prefer doing unproductive tasks. 

• You are a master at procrastination. 

• You do what you want instead of what is actually required.

2. LACK OF MOTIVATION:

Lack of motivation is essentially lack of passion. There are no goals, desire, or willingness to work. You simply don’t do anything, there is no faking it like laziness does. Lack of motivation is usually a deeper psychological problem and could have some elements of depression. 

Your lack of motivation is a reaction to your current situation. It can be triggered by being picked on, put down, lack of clear direction, not living up to expectations, or always being told what to do. In time, this leads to losing any passion you might have had previously. 

• You enjoy progression, but just aren’t feeling it at the moment.

• You dislike things that aren’t beneficial. 

• You are a perfectionist, which can lead to procrastinating. 

• You procrastinate because you have no interest in the project.

• You are unproductive in order to escape, not for enjoyment. 

• You are hardworking when you are motivated. 

3. DEPRESSION:

Depression is a serious mental illness that doesn’t go away after a few days or weeks. Someone who suffers from depression doesn’t want to feel that way, but it is out of their control. There is simply no feelings of desire or hope. They’ve lost all concept of meaning in their life, of time, of responsibilities. It just doesn’t matter. 

If you are experiencing a combination of these symptoms you should seek help right away. If you or anyone you know is thinking about suicide or has a plan to carry out suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

• You have lost interest in daily life to the point of feeling emotionally empty. 

• You feel irritable and restless; your tolerance levels have decreased.

• You feel sluggish or drained and need to take plenty of breaks.

• You have difficulty concentrating and making decisions.

• You either have no appetite or overeat, which can cause weight fluctuations.

• You have little to no care for personal hygiene or keeping your space clean.

• You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, overspending, or other dangerous activities.

College Return

Well at least this shit is done. I so want another degree. I already have two associates degrees, one in technology and education from CCP, and the other was in specialized technology and computer programming from ITT Tech, I also have a culinary arts degree and am servesafe certified and even though I love computers and know my way around any electronic and can literally build a computer from scratch, hardware and software because I have done it more than once and I absolutely love cooking and enjoy the chaos and hustle of the kitchen especially during them high peak hours when you're rushing around on the line to get tickets out in a reasonable time, it's enjoyable to me because I thrive in chaos I'm actually going to go for a third associates in a field that I know, and have been told that I would be perfect for and would extremely excel in and that field is that of a drug and alcohol counselor. I grew up around it my whole life and eventually succumbed and eventually became an addict and LUCKILY survived. So why not help those who face the epidemic of addiction. I've never felt so strongly about a choice as I do this. With my experience and with my INTERESTING history, and what I've overcome I'd do a lot of great.

Nihilism

Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated. It is often associated with extreme pessimism and a radical skepticism that condemns existence. A true nihilist would believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and no purpose other than, perhaps, an impulse to destroy.

Hey Sianni

Life Observation

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in this existence by mistake. I accept life on its terms, not mine. When I tried to control everything I found absolutely no happiness or peace. But what did I expect having lived a life of pure chaos and anarchy. I no longer try and change the world to accommodate me (which never, ever worked) I understand the only thing I can control is my behaviors, my attitude, my outlook on things and no one else's but mine.

Trials and tribulations are a natural part of existence and so are problems and errors. They will arise, how you deal with them is key. For me, if I make a error, I take my error, analyze it, and figure out what I did wrong before it becomes a mistake and correct it so it never happens again. The difference between an error and a mistake is that anyone can make an error, but that error doesn't become a mistake until it is refused to be corrected. If refused, each minor problem will become like a grain of sand, and in time, the desert will be eventually inherited and I've inherited the desert on many nights because everything revolved around me (imagine that) so I shouldn't have any problems, I'm just too perfect for problems and should go through life unscathed. The person who aims for perfection in everything achieves it in nothing. 

This life of mine that I have lived and continue to live through has caused me pain and in some instances great pain, half due to my own ignorance such as trying to impress people that could care less about me but I desperately crave their attention for some reason, and the other half through natural pain with family, friends, and others and before I did not know how to navigate through the pain and I use to always cry and whine when things went sideways for me. Boohoo, poor little ol' me and when people weren't paying attention to me, why isn't anybody paying attention to me? As I stomp my feet like a child. 

The 100% undeniable fact in life is that life is a storm, you bask in the sunlight one moment, shattered upon the rocks the next, things may become extremely dark in that storm while it's raging, but personally I will not allow the darkness to cast its shadow over me for long. I will FOREVER and ALWAYS fight for the view of the sunshine! I accept things for the way they are, and FINALLY (LOL) realize that things do not revolve around my own little world as I once and forever thought they did. So to whatever storm that comes raging in the future you will no longer hear me cry "WHY ME" and look for sympathy and attention but will hear my battle cry of "TRY ME" because only I can fuck up and stop the happiness and peace I've found nobody else can, no one has the power over me to do that but me. Iam, believe it or not, LUCKY to have gone through what I have gone through. It has made me, molded me into the person I am deeply proud of and I wouldn't change it for anything. 

Since I have adopted and put into practice this new, BEAUTIFUL, peaceful, serene lifestyle, life has been a lot easier, more enjoyable and surprisingly entertaining. Every trial, every tribulation I am truly am humbley grateful for. I no longer believe that the world owes me anything WELL except maybe an apology for some shit, that would be nice, I am happy and free it's a beautiful thing and so are you people.