Saturday, January 18, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
DMD RETURNS!!
Been a bit, again since I updated this so thought I drop some love on my blog.
2013 was a shitty year for me and it culminated with me becoming homeless, truckless, and all my things going up in smoke, literally. That and I came close to a nervous breakdown and my life became unmanageable and I desperately need it to be restored to some type of sanity because living like a c...aveman and at rock bottom was enough!
Luckily I ended up getting a moment of clarity through the chaos I was living in and I felt it was necessary to put myself away for help and so I did on 11/ 21 /13 and it has been the best decision I've made, so far. I gave up to win.
Being away, as I said, was the best thing I have done. I learned more about myself in a short period of time that I had in my 31 years. Such as dealing with my resentments that I allowed to dictate the direction of my life, leaving myself down the path of self destruction.
My pops: I resented my pops for never being a father to me, he always wanted and was a friend to me. I resented him for not being strong minded and strong willed (like my mom)and not having the balls to go after Debbie who ruined his life. I resented him for not being what I wanted him to be and there lies the problem! I wanted him to do what I would have done in his situation and crush Debbie but reality is I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. A lesson that took me thirty one years to learn.
Debbie: I resented Debbie because I blamed her for the death of my mom. And though the BS that did happen to my pops helped in my mom's passing reality is it just was her time to depart. The other resentment obviously was what she did to my dad.
The BAD that my pop went through and continues to go through still, is his problem not mine and it never was. I bore his burden for eight and a half years, allowing it, to no one's fault but of my own, to consume me. Thing is that burden I bore was never mine to bear. Debbie one day has to atone for what she did, not I!I am free of it. I truly wish both long life and happiness but I will never let either one of them or any mortal individual for that matter to ever drag me down again.
I love my pop but as I said he is his own man with his own problems and he has to deal with them if he chooses to. As for Debbie, though I will never allow her in my life again, I wish her the very best. She is my blood and I can't change that, I don't like her but I don't dislike her and I truly do and deeply wish her well.
As for DMD, I will continue to grow as a man. I am NOT a grown man simply because a grown man can no longer be taught and is closed minded. I am striving for betterment in myself everyday. I am disconnecting from negative and unmotivated people. I need not to impress or kiss the asses of anyone in order to be liked or for the friendship! If you don't like me then turn your head and don't mention me simply because you have already been forgotten by me and don't matter enough for me to speak about. DMD is looking for love and not just a quick bust like I have always done and for that I am sorry. Lastly I will keep close to my heart the Lord of my understanding and continue to do His will and not mine.
Today I am grateful to the Lord for giving me another day and I'm humble for the lessons I've learned, am learning, and will learn. Today is beautiful.
SEMPRI AMORE
2013 was a shitty year for me and it culminated with me becoming homeless, truckless, and all my things going up in smoke, literally. That and I came close to a nervous breakdown and my life became unmanageable and I desperately need it to be restored to some type of sanity because living like a c...aveman and at rock bottom was enough!
Luckily I ended up getting a moment of clarity through the chaos I was living in and I felt it was necessary to put myself away for help and so I did on 11/ 21 /13 and it has been the best decision I've made, so far. I gave up to win.
Being away, as I said, was the best thing I have done. I learned more about myself in a short period of time that I had in my 31 years. Such as dealing with my resentments that I allowed to dictate the direction of my life, leaving myself down the path of self destruction.
My pops: I resented my pops for never being a father to me, he always wanted and was a friend to me. I resented him for not being strong minded and strong willed (like my mom)and not having the balls to go after Debbie who ruined his life. I resented him for not being what I wanted him to be and there lies the problem! I wanted him to do what I would have done in his situation and crush Debbie but reality is I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. A lesson that took me thirty one years to learn.
Debbie: I resented Debbie because I blamed her for the death of my mom. And though the BS that did happen to my pops helped in my mom's passing reality is it just was her time to depart. The other resentment obviously was what she did to my dad.
The BAD that my pop went through and continues to go through still, is his problem not mine and it never was. I bore his burden for eight and a half years, allowing it, to no one's fault but of my own, to consume me. Thing is that burden I bore was never mine to bear. Debbie one day has to atone for what she did, not I!I am free of it. I truly wish both long life and happiness but I will never let either one of them or any mortal individual for that matter to ever drag me down again.
I love my pop but as I said he is his own man with his own problems and he has to deal with them if he chooses to. As for Debbie, though I will never allow her in my life again, I wish her the very best. She is my blood and I can't change that, I don't like her but I don't dislike her and I truly do and deeply wish her well.
As for DMD, I will continue to grow as a man. I am NOT a grown man simply because a grown man can no longer be taught and is closed minded. I am striving for betterment in myself everyday. I am disconnecting from negative and unmotivated people. I need not to impress or kiss the asses of anyone in order to be liked or for the friendship! If you don't like me then turn your head and don't mention me simply because you have already been forgotten by me and don't matter enough for me to speak about. DMD is looking for love and not just a quick bust like I have always done and for that I am sorry. Lastly I will keep close to my heart the Lord of my understanding and continue to do His will and not mine.
Today I am grateful to the Lord for giving me another day and I'm humble for the lessons I've learned, am learning, and will learn. Today is beautiful.
SEMPRI AMORE
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