R’hllor The LORDESS of Light

 

The Moon Is A Mysterious Mistress

 

Read

 Our five senses can access only a tiny frequency range, like a radio tuned to one station. In the space you are occupying now are all the radio and television stations broadcasting to your area. You can't see them and they can't see each other because they are on different wavelengths. But move your radio dial and suddenly there they are, one after the other. It is the same with the reality we experience here as "life". What we call the "world" and the "universe" is only one frequency range in an infinite number sharing the same space.

The arsenal available to DMD!

 

The Junkies Prayer

That bed that I lay on is narrow and cold. This sickness inside me tears at my soul and the devil awaits me, he calls me his son for he knows I’m cornered and too weak to run. 

For I soon must return to my gutter of thrills where joy is the needle or a bottle of pills where a man welcomes misery like an old friend from home that he uses and abused till the misery is gone. 

My mind is filled with torture, my body is filled with pain but the needle is warm as it sinks in my vein. Just a matter of seconds then my mind will be free from the coldness and darkness that dominate me. 

But the freedom is short lived and then I’m alone. I must find the pusher but my moneys all gone. Then the cycle of horror starts over once more. Oh Lord, let me suffer this misery no more.

Try to take my 2nd away!

 

Yup

 Day 153 of sobriety and it’s the hardest I been through! It is a very sunny 🌞 day out and I am stuck in over me not putting the right address down. Like really! I NEVER deviate from what I put on my passes. NEVER! I help more out in this place than ANYONE, do chores that aren’t even mine or when not done properly and when someone has to miss their day to cooking I am the FIRST to say “I got ya”.  That is OVA!

So going out on a social pass is FUCKED cause it would take me an hour and a half to get where I go and then I could only hang out for an hour and a half before I “HAVE” to be back at 5pm when the normal time is 8pm. It’s not right. This place is becoming a detriment to me. 

Had to turn down a job at Lo Roca cause I can’t work at night (but another person here can) and it was a for SURE job I was offered after TWO MONTHS of applying for jobs EVERYDAY! This is the THIRD time I had to turn a job down. I drop 15-20 applications per day and now I am back at the beginning yet AGAIN cause Lowe’s hasn’t got back to me cause of the shit I’ve done in my PAST. I CAN’T escape it so what is the point anymore? 

I NEED to leave this place but unfortunately I have no where to go and have $3 to my existence and my time is running up here anyway so I am, yet AGAIN, FUCKED! Weather I do the right thing or wrong I take 2 steps forward to get knocked back 4! 

I have no friends, no family, no love, no one that cares. It’s sucks and hurts to be alone. I pray but it doesn’t help. All I pray for is the safety of people I know and an opportunity at employment. Simple yet STILL unanswered. Has me questioning everything yet AGAIN about if there really is any type of deity. 

I really, REALLY don’t know what to do anymore. I am out of answers... except one. And that answer is looking better and better each passing second!

Loneliness

Before: I am lonely. I cannot say that I have always been alone, although now I know fate meant for me to be this way. I have nobody. I would be wrong to say someone would care, if I tried again to destroy myself. The effect would be massive only if I was perfect. It’s untrue that I could have worth, even if I tried. I am less than beautiful, nobody can convince me that I am right where I’m meant to be. 

Now: I am right where I am meant to be. Nobody can convince me that I am less than beautiful, even if I tried. It’s I try that I could have worth, only if I was perfect. The effort would be massive if I tried again to destroy myself. Someone would care, I would be wrong to say I have nobody. Fate meant for me to be this way. Now I know although I have always been alone, I cannot say that I am lonely. 

Pretty Ugly (Reversed)

Before: I’m very ugly. So don’t try to convince me that I’m a very beautiful person because at the end of the day Inhate myself in every single way and I am not going to lie to myself by saying there is beauty inside of me that matters. So rest assured I will remind myself that I am worthless, terrible person and nothing you say will make me believe I still deserve love. Because no matter what I am not good enough to be loved and I am in no position to believe that beauty does exist within me because whenever I look  in the mirror I always think am I as ugly as people say?

Now: Am I as ugly as people say? Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think beauty does exist within me. And I am in no position to believe that I am not good enough to be loved because no matter what I still deserve love. And nothing you say will make me believe that I am worthless, terrible person. So rest assured I will remind myself there is beauty inside of me that matters and I’m not going to lie to myself by saying I hate myself in every single way because at the end of the day I’m a very beautiful person. So do t try to convince me that I’m very ugly. 

Addiction (Reverse)

Before: In addiction my soul is lost, I refuse to believe that I can break out of this prison. Now I know, from the depths of my being that recovery is unattainable. It is an absolute lie that I am worth of love and understanding. I will whole heartedly confess that my solution is in my next high. It is hopeless to think I can get better. In case you believe otherwise I respectfully disagree, I am too far gone and I don’t think that I am strong enough to fight this. You must not really know me because I gave up too easily. If you say that I can do this, I don’t believe you. 

Now: I don’t believe you. I can do this. If you say that I gave up too easily you must not really know me because I am strong enough to fight this. I don’t think that I am too far gone and I respectfully disagree in case you believe otherwise it is hopeless to think I can get better that my solution is in my next high. I will whole heartedly confess that I am worth of love and understanding. It is an absolute lie that recover is unattainable. Now I know, from the depths of my being that I can break out this prison, I refuse to believe my soul is lost in addiction.

Remix!!!

 

For Sale...$200

 I don’t us my laptop anymore so I am selling it. These are the specs of the lap top.

I AM A GOD!

 

Baby Baby Baby I Love You! 😘

 

A Part Of Me

 

Difficult To Describe

 

It’s That Easy Huh?

 

Hypocrites

 Thank the Lord I am Italian 🇮🇹 but still just curious. 

Bitch I’m On A Rampage

 

Gucci

I USED to be ashamed of the past. Remorse is TERRIBLE mental punishment: I was ASHAMED of myself for the things I’ve said and done, AFRAID to face people because of what they might think of me, AFRAID of the consequences of what I did when I was out of it both through addiction and going through mental crises. 

TODAY I remember the past and will never forget it because every situation is a learning experience and a chance to grow from it. 

I KNOW the Lordess has forgiven me for everything I’ve done in the past, no matter how horrible it was, provided I’m honestly trying to do the right thing today, I KNOW I am GUCCI!

25 questions that I ponder about 🤔

1. Why is it called a building if it’s already built?
2. If two vegans are arguing is it still considered a beef?
3. If you were born deaf, what language would you think in?
4. If you get out of the shower clean then how does your towel get dirty?
5. If Apple made a car would it still have windows?
6. When we yawn do death people think we are screaming?
7. If your waiting for the waiter aren’t you the waiter?
8. Why aren’t iPhone chargers just called apple juice?
9. If you work as security at a Samsung store does that make you a guardian of the galaxy?
10. How do you throw away a garbage can?
11. When you clean a vacuum cleaner aren’t you a vacuum cleaner?
12. If life is unfair to everyone doesn’t that mean life is actually fair?
13. Why are deliveries on a ship called cargo but in a car it’s called a shipment?
14. Are oranges named oranges because oranges are orange or is orange named orange because oranges are orange?
15. Is buttcheeks one word or should i spread them apart?
16. If two mind readers are reading each others minds...who’s mind are they reading?
17. If tomb is pronounced toom and womb is pronounced woom why isn’t bomb pronounced boom? 
18. If you stab a cereal box are you a cereal killer?
19. Why is bacon called bacon, and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
20. If your shirt isn’t tucked into your pants does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?
21. Why do we drive in parkways but park in driveways?
22. If you try to fail but end up succeeding which did you actually do?
23. Why are they called apartments if they are stuck together?
24. Why is it called taking a dump when you’re leaving it?
25. Why is the pizza box square if the pizza is a circle and the slices are cut in a triangle?

Yearly tradition for Baby D. on St. Patrick’s

 

Fuck The Police

 

Penicillin shot.

 

I do have a HUGE manhood hile!

 

Hope

There is a lot of stigma when it comes to depression. We hear painful things like, "Just have a better attitude and make good choices." But the truth is, "try harder" doesn't always work.  In fact, there is a specific part of the human brain called the limbic system that helps regulate emotions ... whether we feel happy or sad. So when the limbic system becomes underactive, that's when our outlook on life can begin to diminish. Thankfully, there is a special treatment for this, it is called HOPE in the Lord's care.

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

99.9%

 

Demon Lord

 

Marvel Universe In Order

 

Changes

 Lovers for life is what you promised. “TOGETHER TILL THE END”. We did EVERYTHING with each other. You were my best. 

When I was sad, you were by my side. When I was scared, you left my fear. You were my BEST support - when I needed you, you where there. 

You WERE my greatest, you ALWAYS knew what to say; you made it ALL seem better, as long as we had each other it would all be okay. 

But SOME WHERE along the line we slowly came apart. I was here, you were there, it tore a hole in my heart. Things were changing, our music reversed its tune, it was like having salt without pepper, a sun without its moon. 

SUDDENLY we were MILES apart, two different people, with NOTHING the same. It was as if we NEVER been lovers, although we knew DEEP in our hearts NEITHER one of us was to blame. 

You found someone new and so did I but that DIDN’T change the hurt - the loss of our love made me cry. 

As we grow older, things MUST change, but they DON’T always have to end. Even though we both are different, Jessica you will ALWAYS, FOREVER be in my thoughts and in my heart. I will ALWAYS love you and you will ALWAYS be mio bella!

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

Inside

Bottled up inside are the words I NEVER said, the feelings that I hide, the lines you NEVER read. 

You can see it in my eyes, read it on my face; trapped inside are LIES of a past I CAN’T replace. 

With memories that linger - WON’T seem to go away. WHY can’t I be happier? Today’s a NEW day. 

Yesterday IS over, through the hurting is NOT. NOTHING lasts forever, I MUST cherish what I got. 

DON’T take my love for granted, for soon it WILL be gone - all you EVER wanted of the love you THOUGHT you’d won. 

The HIRT I’m feeling now WON’T disappear overnight, but SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW, EVERYTHING will turnout right, NO MORE wishing for the past. It wasn’t meant to be. It didn’t seem to last, so I’ll just leave her free. 

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

Myself

I HATE to live with myself, and so I WANT to be fit for myself to know I WANT to be able as days go by ALWAYS to look myself straight in the eye; I DON’T want to stand with the setting sun and HATE myself for the things I’ve done.

I DON’T want to keep on a closet shelf a lot of secrets about myself, and fool myself as I come and go into thinking NOBODY else will know the kind of MAN I REALLY am. 

I DON’T want to dress myself up in shame. I WANT to go out with my head erect, I want to DESERVE ALL the respect; and here in the struggle for fame and wealth, I WANT to be able to like myself. I DON’T want to look at myself and know that I am a bluffer, an empty show. 

I can NEVER hide myself from me: I see what others may NEVER see, I KNOW what other may NEVER know; I NEVER can fool myself, and so WHATEVER happens, I WANT to be SELF-RESPECTING and GUILTY FREE!

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

Pretty Much

 

Santana Before And After

 My Bambina!

I WAS Feeling Destroyed

 I keep this page and pic in my book to look back at what I WAS and what I will NEVER be again! I was over life at that point. I met Melanie at that time as well and ended getting her knocked up but that is another story for another post. 

50% Italian 🇮🇹 & 50% Russian 🇷🇺

 

Here To There

It’s HARD to get from “Here To There” if you NEVER get out of bed. You lie a lot to fool your friends BUT you only fooled yourself instead.

It’s HARDER to get from “Here To There” if you set your goals too high; then NOTHING ever works out right; TOO soon, you no longer try.

But the HARDEST way to get from “Here To There” is when all you EVER do is count up the years and miles to go. Then you’re through before you’re through.

So HOW do you get from “Here To There”? Well, first you MUST believe you can let NO ONE tell you differently - it’s YOUR life and it’s in YOUR hands.

Then turn your dreams into your goals and see what you need NOW to satisfy the requirements: the WHY, the WHERE, and the HOW.

At first you’re overwhelmed of course; there is SO much you don’t know. But KEEP your faith, be STRONG and SURE, for you do have a way to go.

Take CAREFUL steps and do them right, take PRIDE in each thing done. DON’T look too far ahead of yourself, just that next step yet to come. 

Before you know it you’ll be there, your dream WILL the. be REAL. And you’ll be standing where I am now, telling others how GOOD it feels. 

You’ll tell them NOT to quit in themselves, to have some sort of faith, thought it is HARD to bear. They WILL know it CAN be done - they too can get from “Here To There!”

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

Wonder To Me

Wonder to me is the WORST place to be. Situations get complex, you’re AFRAID of what’s next. Starting out FRESH and brand new, stepping in another’s shoe. Wondering HOW you’ll turn out, having ALL sorts of doubt. Turning over a NEW leaf, some times wanting to have...some times do.

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

For My Big Sister

Just a simple thing for my big sis Debbie. I miss her. She was the ONLY sister that I really had. Donna is on another planet. I TRIED to make amends to Donna, not that I ever did anything to her but she is the only sibling I have or had cause she is nothing to me and I feel this way cause of the disrespect she said and showed about my mother cause it wasn’t good enough that my mom put us all through Catholic school she wanted my mom to pay for her college which tbh is bullshit. Middle child syndrome like a mother fucker. Also when Debbie passed what she said about her REALLY pissed me off. Even at that time me and Debbie reconnected after years of not talking and other things but still made amends to each other and then that when my pop passed she didn’t even show up. So fuck her. Still though miss my big sis! Her bday was 9/4 mine is 4/9 she was born on a Friday, so was I. Her the morning at 12:18am me 6:18pm. #RIP Debra Teresa DIGIACOMO 9-4-70/8-6-15. 

Unique

 Here’s to those who are different, who don’t ALWAYS get an A. Who have ears twice the size of their peers and noses that go on and on for days. Here’s to those they call crazy or dumb, who don’t “fit in”, but have MORE guts and grit, who dance to the beat of a different drum. Here’s to those with a MISCHIEVOUS streak, as WE grow, as history will show, OUR difference is what makes US UNIQUE!

Practical Application

 He’s teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his mission, he kissed her once, he kissed her twice and said “now that’s addition.” And as he added smack by smack in silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave kisses back and said “now that’s subtraction.” Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without explanation and both together smiled and said “now that’s multiplication.” Then the dad appeared and made a quick decision, he kicked the kid out and said “now that’s long division.”

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

The Clock Of Life

 The clock of life is wound but ONCE, and NO ONE has the power to say just WHEN the hands will stop, at late; or early hour. NOW is the time we own to do the Lords will. DON’T wait until tomorrow for the clock may then be still.

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

I Will Be Triumphant

 

I MISS My Home

 

No Judgments

 

ALWAYS Cheers Me Up!

IDK why but every time I look at this pic I laugh so fucking hard to the point of tears. Every time. This is my cheer me up! When I am having a bad day or get in my head due to the bipolar and depression I look at this. Laughing so much as I write this. Thank the Lord for spell check!

Matthew 7:26

 

Conquering My Fear

This is my ONLY #fear and I WILL #conquer this fear and when I do I’m STILL not walking over these fucking death traps! #awsome #great #loveit #thingsandstuff #killershit #iamagod #instalike #dOnNoMeNaL #truth #honesty #keepingitreal #neverlie #superdeeduper

The Dash

This is a profound poem. Very, very intriguing and makes you think on a deep level. How do you want the time between them dashes to mean? I personally want to be remembered as a brother, nephew, son (rip mom and pop), husband, friend, lover, kind, gentle, dOnNoMeNaL! I carry this poem that I had made on a business card type of thing in my wallet. Like I said such a beautiful poem by Linda Ellis.

🇮🇹 Italians Lives Matter More! 🇮🇹

ALL life matters TBH but this is just me being proud of my 🇮🇹 ITALIAN 🇮🇹 heritage. I also am 🇷🇺 RUSSIAN 🇷🇺 from my mommas side. I believe life is precious and EVERYBODY needs to take pride in what they are and flaunt it!