Yup

 Day 153 of sobriety and it’s the hardest I been through! It is a very sunny 🌞 day out and I am stuck in over me not putting the right address down. Like really! I NEVER deviate from what I put on my passes. NEVER! I help more out in this place than ANYONE, do chores that aren’t even mine or when not done properly and when someone has to miss their day to cooking I am the FIRST to say “I got ya”.  That is OVA!

So going out on a social pass is FUCKED cause it would take me an hour and a half to get where I go and then I could only hang out for an hour and a half before I “HAVE” to be back at 5pm when the normal time is 8pm. It’s not right. This place is becoming a detriment to me. 

Had to turn down a job at Lo Roca cause I can’t work at night (but another person here can) and it was a for SURE job I was offered after TWO MONTHS of applying for jobs EVERYDAY! This is the THIRD time I had to turn a job down. I drop 15-20 applications per day and now I am back at the beginning yet AGAIN cause Lowe’s hasn’t got back to me cause of the shit I’ve done in my PAST. I CAN’T escape it so what is the point anymore? 

I NEED to leave this place but unfortunately I have no where to go and have $3 to my existence and my time is running up here anyway so I am, yet AGAIN, FUCKED! Weather I do the right thing or wrong I take 2 steps forward to get knocked back 4! 

I have no friends, no family, no love, no one that cares. It’s sucks and hurts to be alone. I pray but it doesn’t help. All I pray for is the safety of people I know and an opportunity at employment. Simple yet STILL unanswered. Has me questioning everything yet AGAIN about if there really is any type of deity. 

I really, REALLY don’t know what to do anymore. I am out of answers... except one. And that answer is looking better and better each passing second!