Absolute

I am at an ABSOLUTE at this stage of my life! I get a job and become SECURE because when I eventually leave where I am at I HAVE to be able to afford my own spot because if I don’t, it is OVER! Life IS at an end for me! I will NO longer struggle and live day by day! I will NOT just exist through life, I want to LIVE life! I MUST or I WILL die! I’m an EXTREMELY complicated, complex, simple dude! ALL I want is a cabin in the woods, ❤️love 💕, and stability! It is NOT much to want or ask for! I DESERVE it! 

FUCK Lauren, FUCK Jessica, MOTHER FUCK Amanda, FUCK Melanie! Need REAL 💜 love 💗! This is the way it IS and HAS to be! I succeed and move forward or I don’t and ALL comes to a COMPLETE halt! The anarchy is OVER! I 💯% WANT to succeed, don’t want to die BUT if it has to be that way than so be it, destiny and fate have spoken. It’s been an interesting, drama filled, pussy getting, fucked up, complex, enigma wrapped in a conundrum type of life!

#YUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

The 12 Alternatives

 

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe and accept that we needed strengths beyond our awareness and resources to restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to entrust our will and our lives to the care of the collective wisdom and resources of those who have searched before us.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to ourselves, without reservation, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We're ready to accept help in letting go of all our defects of character.

7. With humility and openness sought to eliminate our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through meditation to improve our spiritual awareness and our understanding of the way of life and to discover the power to carry out that way of life.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 

It DON’T Matter

No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. 🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

WTF is this?!

 Like seriously WHAT THE FUCK is OT FOO?

Truth

Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.

Gandhi

 

NEVER WILL I EVER...

 

What you see and what I see!

 

Time of Baby D’s Life

Had a HELL of a time! It was AWFULLY good! Like a house 🔥 fire 🔥! Really, REALLY wicked...dude! NEARLY died LOL! Drop dead gorgeous like ❤️ Ariana Grande ❤️! DAMN good. Dying to see you! Let's get it on! It's SO unreal in the feel! 🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹 

Think!

 Don’t think of cost. Think of value.

Day 92!

 

RIP Brother!

 

Beautiful

 Difficult roads lead to BEAUTIFUL destinations.

Drama 101

My aunt Toni is having chest pains because her two over the age of 40 kids live at home giving her nothing but headaches and her grandson stole $1,400 from HER home.

My friend Debbie W. had cancer but there is still some lingering issues, pretty close with her and her sister Amy. Then there is Kindra. The one that got away. The one who needed a man and I was a boy PLAYING thug, whore hoping, powder sniffing douchbag I WAS. She SHOULD be Kindra DiGiacomo and not what her last name is now! This women will FOREVER be in my heart 💜, she HAS cancer and Lupus and has had it for two years now and I am JUST finding this out which pisses me off due to the haze so been in for the past few years. Same thing with Debbie and my aunt.

Then there’s Melanie! ANOTHER Friends Hospital hook up. Think I would have learned my lesson with LBH and that fucking lying cunt that she was. Saying I’d hurt her dog. I loved that dog WAY more than I would or could EVER love you! #FACTS An who Melanie who if I didn’t get pregnant, which my son is due on July 25, 2021 and didn’t have that connection with WOULD see the REAL demon that is DMD! She thinks that I am vicious she has NO fucking idea how vicious I can actually be! Just ask ALF, JML, LBH! Them three SKUNTS! #SmackaHoeTribe 

Yeah anyway day 88! 

JML - LBH - MM - ALF!

 

Mom

 On December 31, 2010 my heart 💔 was crushed and my 🌎 world flipped upside down and all around. Not just me but my immediate family which eventually drove a wedged between my sister and I for a while but we made ☮️ peace before she too WAY to soon passed away. 

December 31, 2010 was also the day that I started my decent into 🙅 not caring weather I lived or died and start shooting up coke and heroin because it was the day that the matriarch, the ✊ rock, the glue, the foundation of my 👪 family, my mommy MaryAnn Josephine DiGiacomo was taken and I no longer cared about ANYTHING.

For the longest time I was EXTREMELY bitter. My mom only knew me as the wanna be gangster I tried to portray. A 💵 money hungry, hoe hoping, lazy bum, loser 👎 who expected everything to be handed to him due to a misplaced sense of entitlement. She didn't witness me go to college or work or FINALLY become a man.  Which I had a hiccup for 3 years BUT I am back on what NEEDS to be done! My heart ❤️ hurt for the longest until RECENTLY I wrote a goodbye letter to her which as I said in a previous post was TEN years in the making. 

I miss my mom so much but today is not a day to be depressed, angry or bitter as I once WAS in the past. Today is a celebration of the 61 years of life she had that this 🌎 world 🌍 was FORTUNATE to have. There is an old adage: “You never know how much a person means to you util they are gone and you have no way of telling that you now know what they mean to you.” #💯%FACTS

My 3 FAVORITE Books.

 

Behold A Horse 🐴

The Art of War

48 Laws of Power.

Drugs are BAD!

 

Adorable

 

Know vs No

Know ❤️ LOVE ❤️: NO loneliness!

Know JOY; NO sadness!            

Know LIGHT; NO darkness!

Know WHOLENESS; NO emptiness!

Know NOW; NO past!            

Know TRUTH; NO lies!          

Know STRENGTH; NO weakness

Know SELF; NO other!

Hawthorne Quote

No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without FINALLY getting bewildered as to which one may be true. 

Sweet

Had a HELL of a time! It was AWFULLY good! Like a house 🔥 fire 🔥! Really, REALLY wicked...dude! NEARLY died LOL! Drop dead gorgeous like ❤️ Ariana Grande ❤️! DAMN good. Dying to see you! Let's get it on! It's SO unreal in the feel!

Moments

I have had my moments, and if I could do it all over again I would have MANY more. In fact, I'd try to have NOTHING else. Just moments, one after another, moment to moment. Oh and I’d pick not daisies.

Sage Like Advice

ATTRACT what you EXPECT, REFLECT what you DESIRE, BECOME what you RESPECT, MIRROR what you ADMIRE.

Love 💕

To ❤️ love ❤️ is to suffer. To avoid suffering one MUST not ❤️ love ❤️, BUT then on SUFFERS from not ❤️loving ❤️. Therefore, to ❤️ love ❤️ is to suffer, not to ❤️ love ❤️ is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer so what I am saying is...❤️ LOVE ❤️ and SUFFER.

Fire, Fire 🔥

 

STROKE

 

War Machine!

 

Fresh Start

Each day is a NEW beginning. NO matter what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, TODAY is like a blank canvas on which you can paint WHATEVER.

For The Best

Meglio amici de lantano che memici d'appresso. (Better be friends at a distance than neighbors and enemies.)

Success

 Real success in "life" is NOT measured by how much you accomplish, but by HOW you accomplish it.

It’s Time

The NEED to FREE myself, be PATIENT, EASE my mind, NOT be a dilemma, SURVIVE, LET GO of that of which does not help, be OPTIMISTIC, TRY and make the right HEALTHY choices, make an EFFORT, and OPEN myself up more.

No One Else!

I won't know who I am unless I do things that are right for ME. Today, I'll answer to MYSELF, NOT to others! - 🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹

The Masquerade

Real terror is not the sight of death it is the fear of death. What is the fear of death? Death is the ultimate dilema and integral to the beliefs and behaviors of every culture. Life is bore on the corpses of the dead. Without death there would be no motivation to accomplish anything. The only emotion would be existing. Life would be pestilant & agonizing. (Toreador)

Perception once shapes the mind & rules over time. Time however erodes perception & then in turns warps the mind. The mind capricious, having various effects on perception, time & the mind it's self..... with harmony progress is made. (Malk)

The moon is a mysterious mistress.... who walks the night with demons of dread.

Chaos, like the mind, can be understood only thru practice. Order, however is only as good as perception thereof. Time is key that links the two & bears witness their ebb & flow.

Each minor problem like a grain of sand... each night I inherit the desert.

Funny

Melanie and LBH! 

Two MAJOR bad decisions on my end!

Something MORE than EVERYTHING!

No one who comes to this point still has hope, some lingering illusion, or some dream that there is SOMETHING outside of themselves that will bring happiness and peace to them. If everything is in them this cannot be so. And therefore by their coming, they see the TRUTH about themselves, and seeks for SOMETHING MORE THAN EVERYTHING, as if a part of it is not. This is the purpose they bestow upon the body; that it seek for what they lack, and give them what would make them COMPLETE. And thus they wonder aimlessly about, in search of something they CANNOT find, believing that they ARE what they are NOT. 

🇷🇺 Donny Malkavian DiGiacomo 🇮🇹 

Grief

For a long time I held my grief in and I LET it consume me. What it led to was anger and that led to was a SEVERE coke habit then to a needle in my arm and a fucking heroin addiction then a fatenyol addiction. After what I grew up around and saw as a young buck in Kensington I STILL did it. I NEVER told anybody this but I am in recovery and it's an honest program and recently I wrote a 2 page letter to my grief that was LITERALLY 10 years in the making and after doing it and sharing it I felt the world was off

What I am saying is PLEASE don't keep grief, anger, rage, depression inside it'll destroy you as it did to me. I ended up homeless, broke both financially and spiritually and it took 7 rehabs and TEN YEARS for me to learn that grief was my trigger. Now I am in the process of putting shit together. I was coddled as a kid, teenager, and as an adult. I didn't start working till I was 29! It's sad but it's my story and hopefully someone can learn from my fuckups. I'm 38 and FINALLY growing up. Stay safe people and may the Lord's grace bless you always.

Dream

 Even though I have an associates degree in computer programming and specialized technology and did go through a semester @ Drexel chasing a bachelor’s degree in the same field, I really think, and it might sound corny but the opinions of the mass matter naught to me, I am GOING to chase my dream of becoming an interior decorator. Seriously I 💕 LOVE 💕 art, and have IMPECCABLE taste and I can hook up a spot that doesn’t look crowed and is pretty sweet. Time to stop dreaming dreams and start chasing them! Been looking @ schools. I want my OWN business. I want to make my mom above all and me family PROUD. 

💞 Amore 💕

It’s Been A LONG time.

Been a bit since I wrote on this blog BUT I’m am going to TRY to say up on it unlike years past when I was in a haze.

FUCK the past! It’s over with, I CANNOT change it no matter how hard I wish. I’ve done is what I’ve done. ALL I  can do is learn from it and move on. STOP harping and living for what was and start living for what IS.

I live for the moment, moment to moment, ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will until the day my Lord and savior, GOD, closes my eyes for the next consciousness.

BTW Melanie the way I treated you I do regret. All you ever did was try and help me and I had the hit and split mentality BUT you ended up pregnant. Always be a connection with us.