Saturday, January 18, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
DMD RETURNS!!
Been a bit, again since I updated this so thought I drop some love on my blog.
2013 was a shitty year for me and it culminated with me becoming homeless, truckless, and all my things going up in smoke, literally. That and I came close to a nervous breakdown and my life became unmanageable and I desperately need it to be restored to some type of sanity because living like a c...aveman and at rock bottom was enough!
Luckily I ended up getting a moment of clarity through the chaos I was living in and I felt it was necessary to put myself away for help and so I did on 11/ 21 /13 and it has been the best decision I've made, so far. I gave up to win.
Being away, as I said, was the best thing I have done. I learned more about myself in a short period of time that I had in my 31 years. Such as dealing with my resentments that I allowed to dictate the direction of my life, leaving myself down the path of self destruction.
My pops: I resented my pops for never being a father to me, he always wanted and was a friend to me. I resented him for not being strong minded and strong willed (like my mom)and not having the balls to go after Debbie who ruined his life. I resented him for not being what I wanted him to be and there lies the problem! I wanted him to do what I would have done in his situation and crush Debbie but reality is I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. A lesson that took me thirty one years to learn.
Debbie: I resented Debbie because I blamed her for the death of my mom. And though the BS that did happen to my pops helped in my mom's passing reality is it just was her time to depart. The other resentment obviously was what she did to my dad.
The BAD that my pop went through and continues to go through still, is his problem not mine and it never was. I bore his burden for eight and a half years, allowing it, to no one's fault but of my own, to consume me. Thing is that burden I bore was never mine to bear. Debbie one day has to atone for what she did, not I!I am free of it. I truly wish both long life and happiness but I will never let either one of them or any mortal individual for that matter to ever drag me down again.
I love my pop but as I said he is his own man with his own problems and he has to deal with them if he chooses to. As for Debbie, though I will never allow her in my life again, I wish her the very best. She is my blood and I can't change that, I don't like her but I don't dislike her and I truly do and deeply wish her well.
As for DMD, I will continue to grow as a man. I am NOT a grown man simply because a grown man can no longer be taught and is closed minded. I am striving for betterment in myself everyday. I am disconnecting from negative and unmotivated people. I need not to impress or kiss the asses of anyone in order to be liked or for the friendship! If you don't like me then turn your head and don't mention me simply because you have already been forgotten by me and don't matter enough for me to speak about. DMD is looking for love and not just a quick bust like I have always done and for that I am sorry. Lastly I will keep close to my heart the Lord of my understanding and continue to do His will and not mine.
Today I am grateful to the Lord for giving me another day and I'm humble for the lessons I've learned, am learning, and will learn. Today is beautiful.
SEMPRI AMORE
2013 was a shitty year for me and it culminated with me becoming homeless, truckless, and all my things going up in smoke, literally. That and I came close to a nervous breakdown and my life became unmanageable and I desperately need it to be restored to some type of sanity because living like a c...aveman and at rock bottom was enough!
Luckily I ended up getting a moment of clarity through the chaos I was living in and I felt it was necessary to put myself away for help and so I did on 11/ 21 /13 and it has been the best decision I've made, so far. I gave up to win.
Being away, as I said, was the best thing I have done. I learned more about myself in a short period of time that I had in my 31 years. Such as dealing with my resentments that I allowed to dictate the direction of my life, leaving myself down the path of self destruction.
My pops: I resented my pops for never being a father to me, he always wanted and was a friend to me. I resented him for not being strong minded and strong willed (like my mom)and not having the balls to go after Debbie who ruined his life. I resented him for not being what I wanted him to be and there lies the problem! I wanted him to do what I would have done in his situation and crush Debbie but reality is I have no control over anyone's actions but my own. A lesson that took me thirty one years to learn.
Debbie: I resented Debbie because I blamed her for the death of my mom. And though the BS that did happen to my pops helped in my mom's passing reality is it just was her time to depart. The other resentment obviously was what she did to my dad.
The BAD that my pop went through and continues to go through still, is his problem not mine and it never was. I bore his burden for eight and a half years, allowing it, to no one's fault but of my own, to consume me. Thing is that burden I bore was never mine to bear. Debbie one day has to atone for what she did, not I!I am free of it. I truly wish both long life and happiness but I will never let either one of them or any mortal individual for that matter to ever drag me down again.
I love my pop but as I said he is his own man with his own problems and he has to deal with them if he chooses to. As for Debbie, though I will never allow her in my life again, I wish her the very best. She is my blood and I can't change that, I don't like her but I don't dislike her and I truly do and deeply wish her well.
As for DMD, I will continue to grow as a man. I am NOT a grown man simply because a grown man can no longer be taught and is closed minded. I am striving for betterment in myself everyday. I am disconnecting from negative and unmotivated people. I need not to impress or kiss the asses of anyone in order to be liked or for the friendship! If you don't like me then turn your head and don't mention me simply because you have already been forgotten by me and don't matter enough for me to speak about. DMD is looking for love and not just a quick bust like I have always done and for that I am sorry. Lastly I will keep close to my heart the Lord of my understanding and continue to do His will and not mine.
Today I am grateful to the Lord for giving me another day and I'm humble for the lessons I've learned, am learning, and will learn. Today is beautiful.
SEMPRI AMORE
Sunday, November 03, 2013
It's about that time....
Well I decided that I am going to rout from Minnesota. Been a peaceful month but it's just not me, for now. I don't know people out here cept maybe a handful and it's a bit boring and repetitive. Maybe when I get all my shit together I can come back out here and try it a third time. ((Charm?))
If one lesson I learned out here is to take my time and not rush myself. Things will come as they do, patience is a must. I will stop blindly doing things and I will say no to anyone if I don't feel what's going on no matter the situation.
Weigh the positives and the negatives.
Still I enjoyed myself out here. It has been like a vacation side a few days here and there still it's time I do right by me and not run away from family problems or any other problems at that.
If one lesson I learned out here is to take my time and not rush myself. Things will come as they do, patience is a must. I will stop blindly doing things and I will say no to anyone if I don't feel what's going on no matter the situation.
Weigh the positives and the negatives.
Still I enjoyed myself out here. It has been like a vacation side a few days here and there still it's time I do right by me and not run away from family problems or any other problems at that.
Friday, November 01, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
10/19.2013 UPDATE
Been a minute since I been on this blog and a few things have changed in my life. Major changes actually. For one I am no longer @ my aunt's house, as a matter of fact I am no longer in the 215. Took my ass out to Minnesota. Been here for 2 weeks. Kinda house bumming it which is making me a bit stir crazy but patience is a key.
It's pretty chill out here outside the weather which is cold as all fuck. Not use to the suburban lifestyle, quiet, but it is a work in progress. Just waiting for my flow to be sent so I can fully establish myself out here.
I like it. It's a change and a good one, one that was definitely needed.
Sad news to report that my uncle Jake died on October 16. Glad I got to know him better then I ever did in the 9 months I was @ Eyre ST.
I am pretty much against returning to Philly all that is there is pain, and hurt and drama and shit I DO NOT NEED. So until next time when I feel the need to update or post a pic or something......
It's pretty chill out here outside the weather which is cold as all fuck. Not use to the suburban lifestyle, quiet, but it is a work in progress. Just waiting for my flow to be sent so I can fully establish myself out here.
I like it. It's a change and a good one, one that was definitely needed.
Sad news to report that my uncle Jake died on October 16. Glad I got to know him better then I ever did in the 9 months I was @ Eyre ST.
I am pretty much against returning to Philly all that is there is pain, and hurt and drama and shit I DO NOT NEED. So until next time when I feel the need to update or post a pic or something......
Saturday, September 14, 2013
1 Corinthians 4: 3-4
"It does not concern me in the least if I am judged by you or any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself; my conscience is clear; but that does not make me innocent" (1 Corinthians 4: 3-4)
Friday, September 13, 2013
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